"What I Must Do Is All That Concerns Me,
Not What Others May Think."

[Anonymous] ]

      I found myself defending my decisions with some well-meaning people. I mean, what they have to say is valuable, but if you decide that it isn't your cup of tea, then that should be all right too. You see, living here in this factory and all the stress that comes with it, I wasn't able to kick the tobacco right away. This really bothered alot of people. Now I know that one would think, quit when you have lung cancer. Even I thought this. (I tried and failed for many years before the diagnosis.) I quit for Dennis for two years once, but I didn't quit for me. Now on top of an already stressful life, here I was being diagnosed and I felt trapped I wanted to let go slowly so I went from strong red Marlboros to milder white ones.

       I took to smoking in one chair. I stopped the automatic pilot cigarettes (the ones you don't even know you just smoked). I cut back. Used filters. I just couldn't put myself through trying to quit cold turkey and feeling like a failure when inevitably I would be looking for old butts, or worse, bumming them from complete strangers walking down our alley.